Easier to Run
by Diesty-chan
Summary: One-shot songfic, AU and OOC and dark. Will Kai ever leave the abbey behind or Yuuri? Shounen-ai RxK and YxK hints! please read and review?


Authors Notes: Okies I'm back with a new fic! And it's completely different from all my other fics! Its dark, very OOC, which you will see when reading it and a little AU cause Kai didn't defect to Neoborg in this fic and so forth! It's an idea I've had floating around in my mind for quite a few months now! And I've used the lyrics of Linkin Park's song 'Easier to run' as it fits in with this fic, I think! The initial pairing in the end id Rei/Kai but there are other pairing hints too! To Megs I'm sorry hun there's no Y/T in this at all, unless I change my mind! Also this fic is set through out season one. So with further a due on to the Disclaimer!

Disclaimer: Owns nothing to do with Beyblade or 'Easier to run', they belong to there respectful owners!

Easier to Run 

_It's easier to run,_

_Replacing this pain with something numb,_

_It's so much easier to go,_

_Then face all this pain_

Ice blue eyes glistened with unshed tears as they read the words that were scribbled down on the piece of paper that was addressed to the redhead fourteen-year-old known as Yuuri Ivanov. The redhead closed his eyes to stop the threatening tears as he scrunched up the make shift letter in his hand. Yuuri was bearing a lot of pain in his heart as the one teen he trusted and was close to had deserted him. He knew how Kai felt, they both endured the same torturing routines, but the bluenette had left him now. He had run away to escape this life of bullying and pain. In addition, what for, Yuuri wondered. Could he escape it…forever?

"KAI!" He yelled crashing to his knees, reducing himself to a sobbing form in the cell that was meant to be his room in Balvoc Abbey.

_ Something has been taken_

_ From deep inside of me _

Kai lay in the darkness of his room, not wanting to move. Unshed tears now threatened escape his sad crimson orbs. He heard the door shut behind him and foot steps walking away from his cell-like room. He closed his eyes as he curled himself into a ball, hugging his thin pale legs to his chest. His slate bangs covered his amazing natural crimson eyes, and silvery trails glistened under the very small amount of light, down his cheeks. They meshed in with the tiny amount of blood trickling from his claw like wounds.

A moonlight shadow caste itself in the dark cold room from a tiny window that was the only escape to the real life but then the moons light disappeared and Kai was shrouded in darkness again, like Kai's hopes of leaving this hell. Everything was in darkness again. Like always.

Kai always put a mask on in front of the Russians; he had to being the only Japanese in the abbey, especially to the little redhead that he cared for dearly. However, under this mask of cockiness, confidence and determination, Kai was everything but that. He was lacking self-esteem and confidence. It had been stripped off him for several years before. And every time he showed the slightest bit of these traits Vladimir Balvoc made sure that night Kai lost them again.

Vladimir could see through Kai's mask but sometimes the mad man knew Kai was not wearing a mask, and then he would make sure he was wearing it again.

_ A secret I've kept locked away_

_ No one can ever see_

The Chinese blader looked at Kai with fascination. He had never met someone as intriguing as the Japanese boy who had grown up in mystery. He was fascinated by the way, Kai acted – so cold hearted. Also, he was amused the way Kai saw right through his own little cocky mask from when they first met several months ago. He studied Kai at every chance he had and learned a lot from him too.

Kai always had his rare crimson orbs shut with the folded arms posture. He always looked like a character not to mess with. He could tell that by the way the stoic captain's body was built. He must have done some serious working out to gain muscles like that at the age of fifteen. He also knew Kai was strong minded by the way he battled and commanded his phoenix, Suzaku and the strategies that pissed Takao off. But Rei knew deep down his surface Kai had a secret, but how bad Rei didn't know and he would never ask either, he liked his life.

Kai opened his crimson orbs and glanced at the Chinese blader in the team that he had been put in. The Chinese immediately darted his attention to the battle Takao was competing in, and a dusty pink graced his tanned cheeks. Kai smirked and then close his eyes again, regaining his normal pose.

He knew the Chinese had been watching him, he always watched him. In fact, the little neko-jin reminded him a certain he had left back in Russian a few years back. Rei watched him with the same fascination Yuuri did, except Yuuri knew the secret in Kai's heart. Something Kon Rei would never know, or in fact, anyone in this crummy team that, that idiot Dickenson had put together. And that was the way Kai liked it. That twat Takao had tried to make Kai open up, but when Takao got nowhere with that he went down the road of making fun of the Hiwatari lad.

It did not bother Kai most of the time because the best way to retaliate is to do nothing, which pissed the loud Japanese off more, making Kai the winner. The on Kai was more friendly was the embarrassed Chinese but he would never go as far to opening up and telling his past to him…yet.

_ Wounds so deep they never show_

_ They never go away _

Kai stepped out the steamy shower in the en suite that was attached to the room he shared with Rei in this hotel his team had been booked into. He walked over to the mirror fixed in the wall above the basin. Kai wiped away the condensation with his hand. He looked at the boy in the reflection. Slate bangs soaking wet and clinging to his face and neck. Water droplets dripped from the tips of his slate strands and crashing to his steamy paler then normal Japanese's skin. His navy locks at the back clung to his neck and curled slightly around his neck onto his slender shoulders. His blue triangles were washed off and now his scars on his cheeks were visible.

They were not major scars but enough to make people question them. He traced an index finger over the claw like scars. They were in fact fingernail marks inflicted by Vladimir or one of the other abbey staff when Kai had resisted. He stopped tracing over them and looked down at the porcelain sink. His wet bangs covering his pain filled garnet eyes. He let his arms drop to his side, then his right hand curled up into a fist and Kai looked up at the mirror. He grinded his teeth and his garnet eyes turned to a blood red colour with fire burning in them.

"YOUROU!" Kai yelled in his native tongue as he smashed his fist into the mirror. It cracked and the shards fell into the sink with only a bit of glass around the once mirror. Kai panted as blood trickled from his cit knuckles. The blood droplets mixed in with broken glass in the once white sink. Kai did not move, he just stared at the broken mirror. He didn't even feel the stinging sensation, which had gripped his bleeding knuckles. He felt nothing, just numb.

"Kai?" A knock on the bathroom door followed by Rei's concerned voice reached his ears. But Kai didn't move.

_ Like moving pictures in my head_

For years and years they played 

Kai huddled in the corner of his cell fearing the man towering over him. Fear and panic was written all over Kai's Japanese features. The purple haired man neared the fearing boy and an evil smirk grimaced his lips; an eerie smirk that scared the young boy who was just barely twelve.

"Now young Hiwatari if you do as I say this won't take every long." His voice croaked with power, the power had over these disobedient boys that were sent to him to be punished. And punishment was what he was about to dish out to Kai in the most evilest of forms.

He grabbed the shivering wreck that was Kai by his throat and dragged him up onto his feet. Kai flinched and put his hands around the stronger man's hand to free his oxygen line. Pain and tears glazed over his eyes as he wriggled desperately escape the cruel tutor. Vladimir then threw Kai against the cold stonewall.

The right side of his face and chest slammed against the wall. He then felt a hand clamp down on his small shoulder and Kai froze in fear. From the corner of his eye, he saw Vladimir unbuckle his belt and Kai was not too sure, what was going to happen. He closed his eyes as he felt his skimpy shorts being tugged down. Kai's tears slid down his cheeks as nothing could prepare him for what happened next.

"NOOOO!" Kai shot up in his bed, panting heavily, his cheeks soaked with tears. He looked around at his surroundings through blurry crimson orbs. He realised he was in his hotel room that he shared with Rei, the Chinese neko-jin.

The Chinese neko-jin was sat up and looking at Kai with worried concern orbs. "Kai?" His voice was full of concern. Concern for Kai, and for once since Yuuri he felt like some one cared. He felt safe. More tears shed from Kai's eyes and sobs took over his body. Rei immediately dashed over to the sobbing Hiwatari form. He embraced the older boy in his arms and Kai nuzzled his face on Rei's blue t-shirt covered shoulder.

"It's okay Kai-chan…I'm here…" He said in a soothing tone, whilst running his tanned fingers through Kai's silvery damp bangs in a rhythm tic manner. Kai had suffered from another haunting nightmare of his shady past.

_ If I could change I would_

_Take the back pain I would_

_Retrace every wrong move that I made I would_

_If I could _

_Stand up and take the blame I would_

_If I could take all the shame to the grave_

_I would…_

Kai darted across the snow-filled courtyard of the abbey he hated so much. He dodged past the searchlight, which was doing its normal routine check. He dived into the nearest bush to hide. He could not afford to be found, he would receive more punishment from Vladimir and he did not want to suffer that again…for as long as he lived. Therefore, he was trying hard so he would not get himself captured. He saw the high fence several yards away from him.

"I can do it." He mumbled to himself. He checked to see where the light was and luckily it passed over his bush and was at the beginning of its round; so Kai took that opportunity to run. He ran as fast as he could, he could feel his heart pumping rapidly as he ran under the stealth of the shadows.

He reached the mesh-netting fence that stood about nine feet tall he pounced onto it and clawed his way up it quickly. All his years of training had worn off. He reached the top and glanced back at the group of buildings, which were hell to Kai, and the other Russians.

"I'm sorry Yuu-chan, I hope you'll understand one day….and forgive me." And with that he jumped down the nine feet tall fence and landed on his feet and hands with prefect grace. The height had no effect on Kai's body; he had jumped from further heights before. He stayed in a crouched position for a while surveying the outside area and which way to run. He needed to find safety and shelter. It was very cold and fresh snow was starting to fall. Kai then took off to the left at a rapid speed; he finally was lost in the snowfall.

_ Sometimes I remember _

_The darkness of my past _

"Kai are you listening to me?" The fellow Japanese asked the team captain, looking at him strangely.

The boy in question, Kai was just staring at the carpeted floor, obviously not listening to Takao and in his won little world.

"Dude are you okay?" A blonde haired boy also asked. Kai did not hear him he heard nothing. He was locked away in own thoughts.

The two boys looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.

A young boy of about twelve ran through the corridors of Balvoc Abbey. He was fleeing from Vladimir's staff after he would hit one back after they would hit Yuuri. Kai was very protective over his friend. He kept running knowing they were not too far behind him. But he would not be caught; he would not be punished…not so soon. He ran around a corner only to dash back behind it.

Hopefully, they hadn't seen him. He popped his head slightly around the corner as his crimson eyes widened as they scanned over the two men. The one man was his torturer, Vladimir Balvoc, and the other man was his….

"Grandfather…" He whispered. He just watched the two older men talk.

"How are the boys coming along?" The man with grey weird shaped hair required.

"They were rebellious at first but after a bit of discipline they calmed down." Vladimir told him.

"Good…and Kai?" Kai's eyes widened at the mention of his name as he stared at his grandfather.

"He's progressed a lot but he still fights back. Especially when it comes to the new boy."

"Then perhaps we'd better take his little friend to the next level?" The older man smirked; Kai did not like the sound of that.

"You mean project 'X' is complete?"

"Yes so make sure Kai's little 'friend' is ready."

"And what about your Grandson?"

"Prepare him too. He will be our greatest assist to our organisation. I will be shipping in the sacred spirits soon as well. Train them good Balvoc."

"Of course." Vladimir bowed at the Hiwatari elder, who did the same.

"There you are!" Boomed a voice behind Kai, making him spin round in sheer panic and fear filled his face.

Three of Vladimir's scabies were running towards him. Kai started to retreat backwards, only to stumble over a broken stone that stuck out the floor.

"Ahhhhh!" He yelled as he fell backwards on to his back at the feet of his Grandfather. He hit his head on the stone floor. He closed his crimson orbs, his face crunched in pain as he rubbed the back of his head. He hissed as he touched liquid and that the wound stung. He brought his hands to his face and tried gazing at his fingers. He saw red and then his Grandfather's face past his hand.

"How nice to see you Kai." He smiled slyly.

"YOU!" The young boy barked. "You're scum!" He hissed.

"So you heard?" The man smiled, but it wasn't a nice smile.

"I heard all of it. I swear if you hurt Yuuri I'll---"

"You'll what? Cry? Don't make idol threats Kai that you can't carry out." The grey haired man laughed.

Vladimir smirked like the Devil. "I think a few days in solitude might help you. Take him away." He then walked away.

"Come in brat."

Kai did not struggle he just stared in shock at his Grandfather walking away. He couldn't believe his Grandfather was working with that bastard all along.

"GRANDFATHER!" Kai screamed as he was dragged away.

"HIWATARI!" The yells of Takao broke through Kai's thoughts.

He blinked his eyes and looked at the boy with his friend, Max. They both smiled at him.

"Kai you had spaced out then. Are you all right dude?"

A frown soon made its way to his face as he glared at the boys, his mask being put back on. "Why aren't you two training?" He asked.

The Japanese and American's faces dropped. "Well…er…" Takao started.

"Your excuses are lame Takao. If you want to win the tournament tomorrow get out there and train!" He ordered the boy. "And you too Mizuhara!" He barked at the other boy.

Rei raised a raven eyebrow as he watched the moody captain the whole time from the doorway of the bedroom they shared. A concerned expression had graced his face; he disappeared back into the bedroom when Kai glanced over at him.

_ Bringing back these memories_

_ I wish I didn't have _

"Byakko Tiger Claw attack!" The Chinese neko-jin commanded his tiger bit-beast. The silver blade sped up towards the blue blade it was circling. Electricity sparked around the base of the blade, its attack building up.

"Suzaku Flame Arrow!" Kai called, his fire phoenix emerging from his blade and heading for Rei, countering the Tiger's attack.

The blades collided together with a powerful light emitting from both blades.

Kai's crimson orbs widened with shock just as much as the neko-jins. Kai looked down to his feet and looked at his blade, which tilted on its right side.

Crimson eyes looked up and stared at the ice blue eyes that filled with concern and apology. Kai looked at the white blade circling the makeshift dish.

"No…" Kai muttered quietly to himself looking up again at the Russian redhead.

"Kai…" He whispered sorrowful.

"Well done Ivanov you've exceeded yourself. Nice work, you've beaten your 'little friend'." The purple haired mad man grinned so evilly the Devil would hide. His eyes skewed over to the Japanese boy. He looked at him though his weird red glasses; that reminded Kai off red pots.

Kai flinched in fear as the man walked over to him, looming a few feet over him. He just smirked at the young boy, making Kai step a little back, his fragile body shaking silently. Vladimir's gaze turned to the floor where the blue blade lay at Kai's feet. The cruel tutor bent down and picked it up. He looked at Kai as he tossed the blade in the air and then caught it on it's descend.

"You are not worthy of this ancient spirit young Hiwatari. Black Suzaku is obviously _too_ strong for you…or you are _too _weak." He leered at the cowering boy. "And you know what that means…" Vladimir trailed off watching the boy with sick amusement. Kai gulped.

"Let us have a rematch Balvoc-sama?" Yuuri spoke up from the other side of the dish. Vladimir and Kai both looked at the young Ivanov. He had called back his blade and had it ready to launch again.

Kai knew what Yuuri was doing he was hoping to battle Kai again so he would lose on purpose just to protect Kai from any more torture. Kai smiled at the younger boy, who glanced at him for a moment before staring back at the older Russian.

"Well Balvoc- Sama?" Yuuri was persistent.

Balvoc just laughed at Yuuri, thinking his protest was futile and pointless. Kai had lost and now he had to suffer the consequences. This is what he had hoped to achieve from their little battle. And the outcome was more amusing that he'd thought.

Vladimir opened his mouth to reply to Yuuri's request when Kai found his way to his feet.

"No Yuu-chan its okay. I lost to you fairly and I'll take the consequences of my defeat."

Crimson eyes met with ice blue orbs. "Thanks you." He smiled.

"But Kai-chan…" Yuuri's voice trailed off.

"I'll take my punishment Balvoc-sama." Kai looked up at his cruel mentor.

"That's very bold of you Hiwatari, but you can't protect you 'Yuu-chan' forever." And with that he clicked his fingers and two of his staff appeared on either side of Kai.

"Take him to his room until I decide on his punishment."

"Yes sir." The two men grabbed Kai's arms.

"Gomen nasai…" Yuuri muttered in Kai's native tongue to the ruby-eyed boy. Kai just looked at him before he turned he left with the so-called 'monks.' Kai closed his eyes while they took him away.

He opened them again and came face to face with golden feline orbs; he jumped back a little startled.

"Are you okay Kai-chan?" Rei's concerned voice reached Kai's ears. Kai felt tears stinging his eyes as he just stared at the neko-jin.

"Kai-chan?" Rei asked him again.

"Huh? I'm fine…" Kai said with a delayed reaction as he blinked back-unwanted tears.

He walked past Rei to retrieve his defeated blade. Rei watched him as Kai bent down and picked it up.

"You spaced out then Kai-chan. Are you sure everything all right? You haven't been yourself lately. Especially the other night." His golden orbs just looked at the back of Kai's form.

Kai's crimson eyes narrowed and his slate brows knitted together. "I told you to never mention that." He spoke in a calm but angry tone.

Rei's look of concern changed to shock with sudden change of Kai's mood. "I was only concerned."

The stoic Japanese spun round. "I don't need your concern Kon. I'm fine!" He barked at the neko-jin.

Rei's eyes turned to slits and anger coursed through his body. "I was only trying to help as I considered I was your friend. But you threw it back in my face. Soon Hiwatari you'll have no friends and you'll be left alone…" He paused. "…and that's just really sad…." He then abruptly strode past Kai very pissed off.

Kai just watched him, his expression softened. "Rei-chan I…" He started but stopped as the Chinese blader disappeared into the hotel, leaving Kai alone in the snow.

_ Sometimes I think of letting go_

And never looking back 

He found him by the lake. He was just staring at the water that had a thin layer of ice over it. He pulled his coat closer together as it was very cold. He stared down at the pissed off Chinese from the bank. He then decided to walk down.

Rei's ears noticed the sound of snow crunching under shoes but did not turn to look at who was approaching him. He juts snuck up more to his legs, which he was hugging. His visitor sat down next to him and too looked at the lake.

"Aren't you cold?" The visitor asked.

"A little…" Rei shrugged.

Silence fell between the couple again as they just stared at the lake. Boredom took over the boy who was use to this weather. He found a little rock beside him. He picked it up and threw it at the lake. The ice shattered beneath it and the rock sunk, entertaining the boy slightly. Rei looked at the other boy who smiled slightly at him, Rei smiled back. They both then looked at the freezing lake.

"How'd you find me?" The raven-haired Chinese asked.

"I know Moscow pretty well, plus this is where I'd come to calm down." He looked at Rei again, who noticed and locked his golden orbs with Kai's unusual garnet eyes.

"You and I aren't that different Rei." Kai smiled again averting his gaze from the neko-jin to the lake. Silence ensued them again and Kai decided to break it this time. "Gomen Rei-chan."

Rei looked shocked to hear Kai apologise but he did not look at him. "It's okay Kai-chan."

"I know you were trying to help and I'm sorry for snapping at you like that. I don't wanna lose our friendship." He looked at his hands and a slight blush graced his cheeks.

Rei smiled his kitty fangs peeping out from his lips as he looked at the blushing Kai. "Apology accepted." His smile dropped and he was being serious again.

"You know Kai-chan like I said the other night I'm here. I am here for you. So if you ever wanna talk about anything I'm here to listen." It was now Rei's turn to blush. "I just want you to know that."

"Thanks Rei-kins."

Rei shivered the cold climate was now getting to his body. Kai noticed this. "Do you want my coat?" He offered, being unusually generous.

"Nah, I don't want you to get cold cause of me. It's my own fault I didn't take my coat." The golden-eyed feline chuckled as he rubbed his bare arms from where his Chinese top did not cover.

"You can have my coat if you want, I'm used to this climate your not." He took off his coat and handed it to the freezing Chinese.

"Okay thanks then." He pulled the black coat over his arms. "We should get back before Kenny sends out a search party." Kai nodded and the two plodded back to their hotel.

Kai stopped outside a building surrounded by a mesh-netting fence with a huge iron gate. He stared at the building inside.

"Kai-chan you okay?" Rei looked back at the Japanese who had disgust written all over his face. His crimson eyes turned to blood red and he gritted his teeth. "Kai-chan?" The dark blader walked over to his captain, and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

Kai slightly jumped as his gaze went to his team-mate who had a questioning look on his face.

"Gomen…" Kai apologised and then carried on walking.

Rei glanced at Kai from the corner of his eye as they walked. He did not question Kai about that building. Kai had opened up as much as he was willing today and Rei wasn't going to push Kai to say anymore which was respected greatly.

_ And never moving forward_

_So there'd never be a past _

Kai lay on his bed in the hotel room he shared with the Chinese boy in the team. The room was secluded in darkness with only a bit of light emitting from the moon through the window. He watched the shadows dancing on the pale ceiling.

He was once again in this God forsaken cold country. His routes were Japanese but he had grown up in Russia finally immigrating to Japan with his mother, which more of her genes resided in Kai's features. And what was even worse he was in the same place, the same hell he had grew up in, he'd even past it previously which is why Kai couldn't sleep now.

He sat up the shadows were getting boring and not doing there job. He looked over to the other occupant of the room. He was lying on his side facing Kai's bed. He cuddled up to his covers with a peaceful look on his cat features. Kon Rei never had nightmares, thought Kai.

Kon, Rei does not have a haunting past like Kai, he concluded. Kai watched the sleeping boy and wished he could be like him. Like Max and Takao, a regular teen, but his past, his memories will never let him be a regular boy. His childhood was too fucked up. He would never be normal, even if he fought his demons inside. Would they really vanish?

Kai got up and carefully walked over to the door that led into the lounge room that came with the suite that they had been placed in. He walked carefully so not to wake the sleeping one. Strangely the lounge had a weird glow to it but the Kai realised it was the glow from the TV set that had been left on. And culprits to this crime were the two boys sleeping on the couch and one in particular who was snoring.

"Can't Takao ever be quiet?" Kai mused to himself in a hushed voice, he did not need the sleeping duo to wake up and ask questions to why he himself wasn't asleep.

So he carefully walked past the pair cuddled up together until something under his foot crunched. The ruby-eyed boy stopped in his place and looked down, popcorn covered the ground with an upturned bowl not too far away.

Bloody great, thought Kai. He was not going to pay the cleaning fee. With the popcorn in his way to his new destination-, the balcony- Kai jumped over the pool of stick popped corn with one jump. He had been pumped with enhancers by the age of fourteen. He reached the door and snuck out quietly. Then it would take a lot for Takao to wake up, not even a chilli. But Kai wasn't too sure about the American.

He was out on the balcony now.

The cold night air-cooled his hot skin, he was in shirt and shorts, but it did not bother him. He was use to being dressed like this in colder conditions then this.

His mind started to wonder again due to known distractions and he wished it didn't. He rested his arms on the stone balcony and shifted his weight onto them; he was surveying the white, clean, crisp blanket that covered the city- Moscow. But the city wasn't anything like the blanket and Kai thought he was the same.

He would never be clean, but forever tainted by his past. He associated pure with white and he would never be that. His past was preventing him from ever forgetting and trying to move forward. He needed to break the chains but he no tools to help him.

"I wanna move on…" He started to sob. "I don't want these memories anymore…please stop…please let me forget them…" He sobbed to himself.

"Kai-chan?" A soft concerned voice said behind him. Kai turned to the owner of the voice; he blinked through tears.

"Rei-chan…?"

_Just washing it aside_

_All of the helplessness' inside_

"Are you okay?" The raven head boy asked, concern written all over his face.

Kai turned back to looking over at the scenery of the white city. "Yeah I'm fine." He tried to regain his pride brushing his tears away with a hand while sniffling.

Rei's face changed he had a slight smile on his lips with caring cat eyes. He walked over to the broody Russian, and stood beside him also resting his hands on the stone ledge. He too looked at the beautiful snow covered city.

"You know Kai-chan you can drop the tough guy act, it's just me now and nobody else." He spoke softly.

Kai's crimson orbs widened but he did not look at the boy.

"Kai-chan I heard what you said…" He paused not finishing the unsure if whether to carry on.

The stoic captain looked at him with crimson eyes that bared so an awful past. He wasn't gonna blow up at Rei this time, so the neko-jin continued.

"I don't know what kinda past you've had….but you can block your memories out." He looked at his hands. "I should know…" He trailed off.

Kai looked at him with interest but remained silent. Crimson eyes perceived sorrow in the golden orbs, which always looked so happy. Rei knew Kai was looking at him but didn't turn to face him, no he continued as Kai looked so intrigued.

"My mother and father were brutally murdered when I was eight. The elders of the village who found me said I was so traumatised I did not talk for months maybe a year. But slowly I started to come round. Lai was my first friend as his family took me in until I was old enough to live by myself. When I was finally able to cope with school, I befriended Mao and the rest. I blocked the memory out so I could move on. Blocking them doesn't stop them for good…but it helps until you can deal with it."

This time he looked at Kai with watery eyes, the Japanese stared at the younger boy is disbelief due to never knowing or figuring it out that Rei too had suffered. Maybe they were more a like than he thought.

"I'm sorry about your parents." Kai said softly.

"It's a long time ago now…but thanks anyway." He forced a happy smile on his face.

They both returned to looking at Moscow.

_All of the darkness inside_

Silence settled upon them again at this early hour of the morning. Kai was debating with himself whether he should finally open up completely with Rei. Maybe he needed to tell some one or else he would never move on.

"Rei…" He paused re-thinking his decision.

The neko-jin looked at him. "It's okay you don't have to tell me if you don't wanna." He understood how hard this was the Japanese.

Kai snapped his gaze to Rei immediately. "No I do wanna tell you…" He paused looking at the city. "….it's just abit hard to tell you…" Rei opened his mouth to say something but Kai had not finished. "And I'm scared you'll look at me with disgust…" He averted his garnet eyes to corn gold eyes.

The golden orbs widened. "My God Kai-chan what did they do to you? You would never disgust me…ever!" He reassured the boy.

Kai looked at him with watery pink tinted red eyes. He took in a deep breath and looked at the white city again; he then exhaled. "I grew up in that building we passed the other day…"

"The one with the huge gates?"

"Yeah it's called Balvoc Abbey. But it's not really an abbey as such. Boys are sent there-by-there families in belief they won't be so rebellious and come out as top beybladers. My father sent me to my grandfather after my mother died. My grandfather then sent me to the abbey. I was ten then. We were abused there and since I was the only Japanese boy there I became Vladimir Balvoc's favourite pupil as well as many of his staff…"

"What do you mean favourite?"

"He- he raped me Rei and beat me up…" He trailed off, silvery tears slid down his cheeks.

Shock very quickly found its way to Rei's face. "Oh my God Kai-chan I'm sorry." He felt truly sorry for Kai and disgusted by what he had been forced through.

Kai sniffled and continued. "He did it every time I rebelled so he'd have me under his control. I found out after my grandfather was involved with the experiments. But by then I had made a friend with a boy called Yuuri, I protected him and for that he became their new guinea pig…." More tears slid down his cheeks as he mentioned his friend he left behind.

"How'd you leave then?" Rei wanted to hug the Hiwatari boy.

"I escaped one night…and left Yuuri behind. I suppose he has never forgiven me. But in the end I still couldn't escape my grandfather. He found me living on the streets and brought me to Tokyo. He threatened to put me back in the abbey…I said I would commit suicide first and so I was never sent back. Then I was put in this team as your captain…." He trailed his story ending.

"Why didn't you go the police? They could have protected you."

"Do you think the police would believe a fourteen year old boy? Plus my grandfather has his ways around things like that." The Japanese sighed.

"What happened to Yuuri?"

"He's the captain of the team we're facing tomorrow. And they'll be a lot stronger than us." Kai finished off.

_ Pretending I don't feel misplaced _

Silence once again came over the two boys. Rei was still taking in all the stuff Kai had just told him, he could not believe Kai had gone through all that pain at such a young age. All he wanted to do was be there for him. He had become quite fond of him and it just was not fascination anymore, it was something else.

"Rei-Rei…?" Kai said in a hushed tone.

The golden-eyed neko-jin looked to him. "Mhm?"

"Arigatou." He simply said a genuine smile on his lips.

"You haven't got to thank me Kai-chan." Rei too smiled at the lad.

"Yes I do. I need to thank every one in this team…." He continued.

"Why?" The cat was curious to Kai's sudden change of view on the BBA Revolution.

"Because I don't feel like an outcast in this team." He sighed thinking how to word what he wanted to say." I guess I feel like I have somewhere to belong. I was in a team before but I never classed them as family like I do with you lot." He looked at the stone ledge; a pink blush tinted his cheeks. "Especially you Rei…more than family." Kai's blush went from pink to red in an instant. He lowered his slate spikes so his face would be hidden.

Rei smiled. "It's nice to have family isn't it? I know how you feel, the younger ones are omotou's it's nice to feel loved, ne?"

Kai glanced briefly at the boy. "Right." He simply said.

A silence came over them, which this time was awkward to both lads. Rei fiddled with his fingers as something Kai said played on his mind. Kai on the other hand was just pleased that he was able to tell some one and more importantly, that it was Rei.

A wet flake made touch down on Rei's tanned nose sending a shiver through his body. His gaze averted to the sky where billions of white flakes descended to the cold ground.

"Kai it's snowing." Rei grinned, placing his hand out to catch some flakes.

Kai too looked around and smiled. He placed a hand out too. The big flake melted in his hand due to his warmth.

"Mhmm maybe we should go back inside before it gets heavy?" He told the Chinese blader who was now trying to catch the flakes in his mouth. He promptly shut his mouth as he noticed Kai was smirking at him.

"Uh heh…" Rei blushed. "Perhaps we should go inside?"

Kai chuckled. Come on then." And the two boys walked inside.

_It's so much simpler than change_

Kai sat on the end of his single bed in the hotel room he shared with Rei. He was just staring at his hands; they were a little pink tinted just like his bare arms and legs, cold climates tend to do that. The cold did not bother him all that much but warmth was a lot nicer.

"Kai…?" Another entity entered the room and handed the stoic captain a steamy mug of hot chocolate.

"Thanks." He looked up and smiled then looked at the boiling brown liquid in the mug.

"Do you like hot chocolate?" Rei plonked himself down on the side of the bed next to Kai. "Cause they didn't have any tea."

"Yeah….it's fine…" Kai was a little distance.

Rei just watched like always and knew something was playing on his mind. He decided to ask. "What you thinking about?"

"Huh?" Kai looked at him with dazed eyes. Rei tapped the side of his head with two fingers. "Oh!" He looked at his hot chocolate. "I was just thinking that all those years Balvoc and grandfather tried to change me….and I always thought they hadn't…but they actually did…" Tears glossed his eyes as he blew on the hot steamy liquid then drank some of it.

Rei watched him before saying anything. "Maybe they did…" He paused and drank from his mug, closing his eyes as he did.

Kai's crimson orbs snapped onto Rei's face and waited on the rest of the neko-jin's opinion.

The neko-jin could feel the crimson orbs staring out at him, so he levelled them with his own gold feline eyes.

"What I meant Kai-chan is that maybe they did change you…but they changed you into who you are now…" He smiled warmly and placed his empty mug on the floor. He sure could lap up drink very quickly, just like a cat with a saucer of milk.

"Yeah but if they hadn't done all that stuff to me maybe…" He sighed sadly. "Maybe I wouldn't be like this."

"Kai…" The Chinese turned to face him. "Kai…I think you're fine the way you are. You wouldn't be you if you acted different…You wouldn-"

"I'm not fine! I am fucked up! I am a dirty whore! I let them put their hands all over me! They abused me! If I didn't let them do that to me maybe I'd be different!" Salty water cascaded down his cheeks with every outburst.

The Chinese blader was quick to his comfort. "Kai you're not a dirty whore! You could not stop them from doing that to you; you were only a boy. And you're not fucked up, but if you were who'd blame you after the torture you'd suffered…I wouldn't."

"I tried to run away from it but it won't leave me alone. It keeps coming back, its keeps haunting me…like ghosts." He put a hand over his watery eyes and dropped the half-empty mug. It splashed all over the cream carpet but either blader attempted to clean it up. "Running away never solved anything cause it always catches up with you the same as when you block it out. Maybe you confront them now cause you're older. You're stronger now." Rei spoke with wisdom for a mere boy of going on fifteen.

"I dunno if I can Rei-Rei." He looked up with his teary garnet orbs that were full of so much angst.

"Kai I'm here if you want me?" He was there as moral support and more if Kai wanted.

The Japanese boy stared at him with disbelief. "You really mean it?" He hiccupped.

Rei was about to make a daring move. He put his hands over Kai's paler hand, lacing his fingers with Kai's.

"Yes I really mean it." He smiled.

"Oh Rei…" He managed to mumble out. He liked the feeling of having some one that cared about him. It reminded him of when he had Yuuri.

Both lads just looked at each other for some time. Rei smiled heartedly at the semi-Japanese, and Kai smiled bright fully.

"We should get some sleep; you've a big match in the morning. You'll need your strength." Rei told the captain getting up and sorting out Kai's blankets.

"Rei?" He whispered.

Rei stopped what he was doing and met Kai's gaze. "Mhm?" He asked in an answer.

Pink spread across Kai's cheeks and he cast his gaze to the sheets. "Ummm…would it be alright if you could hold me tonight?" He shyly asked.

"You didn't have to ask cause I was gonna anyway." He smiled. "Come on, climb into bed." He patted the bed.

Kai ran a hand through his slate hair and did as the younger one asked. Rei then joined him. It was awkward being in a single bed but after a bit of moving about they got comfortable. Kai laid on Rei, his head rested on his shoulder joint all snug up to him while Rei was slumped against the backboard, one arm by his side and other stroking Kai's silvery spikes.

Kai yawned and felt his eyelids getting heavier and eventually he was sound asleep, just the humming of his breath could be heard.

Rei glanced down at his captain. "I'll protect you Kai the best I can. You have my word on that." He whispered to the sleeping elder then kissing the top of his head. He two then closed his eyes to let sleep regain him.

_It's easier to run_

_Replacing this pain with something numb_

_It's so much easier to go  
Then face all this pain here all alone_

He watched the defeated figure walk away from the dish and back to his team with icy blue eyes. He watched how the figure was greeted by his teammates, no, his friends. Kai had friends that cared about him, unlike him. No, Neoborg to Yuuri were not friends they were just put together by Balvoc because they were strong and had mastered the ancient bit-beasts.

They were still missing a team member in which Yuuri had heard rumours that he could kill. He was not sure if that was true though. His thoughts averted back to the Suzaku owner, the famous Kai Hiwatari. He stared at him taking in every bit of detail of the stoic blader.

Indeed Kai had changed since Yuuri last saw him, he had grown and matured and got a lot stronger. But what alarmed him the most was the look Kai gave his Chinese teammate. It was the same look he used to give the redhead. Kai now cared a lot for Rei and that's what hurt his friend the most, Kai had moved on. He saw how the two reacted around each other; the hints from the smiles and the look in their eyes drove him crazy. He could feel the tears well up and so he ran, as he did not know what to do.

Balvoc watch as his best warrior fled. "Ivanov?" He asked sternly.

Yuuri replied through tears. "Gomen nasai…" Was all he said and he ran from the stadium.

The BBA Revolution left the Moscow stadium determined even more to defeat Team Neoborg. Takao was mucking about with Max scraping balls of snow from the ground and hauling them at each other. While Kyoju was giving Rei advice about his battle the next day but Rei wasn't listening much as his attention was all focused on the team's captain, Kai.

It was then Kai saw the redhead sat in the snow. He had his arms wrapped around his legs with his face buried in his knees. His shoulders shuck and small sobs escaped his throat indicating the blue-eyed teen was crying.

The ruby-eyed teen stopped and looked at him, which resulted in the whole BBA Revolution looking at the crying captain of the opposing team. Kai stared in utter shock at how vulnerable Yuuri was right now. He could feel inquisitive golden orbs looking at him aswell as three other pairs of eyes.

"Rei I have to talk to him…" The semi-Japanese lad told his partner walking towards the unstable Neoborg blader.

"I understand Kai." He told him. "Come on guys we better get back to the hotel, it's getting dark." He told the other three knowing Kai needed some alone time with the Russian blader of his past.

"But what about Kai-kun?" The brunette blader asked watching his captain confront the other captain.

"Kai will join us later…he…" He looked at the teen he cared so much. "He…he…just needs to confront some old ghosts." He looked at the two before turning back to his team.

"Old ghosts? What do you mean Rei-chan?" Takao asked, being slightly blonde.

"Takao-san lets just go back. Kai knows what he's doing." The raven-haired neko-jin ushered the other BBA Revolution members back to the hotel.

I hope you sort it out Kai, Rei thought to himself.

Kai stared down at the sobbing boy with concern and worry. It took a lot for Yuuri to break down and here he was crying for all to see in the middle of Moscow.

"Yu-Yuu-chan?" Kai said unsure.

Blue eyes looked up red, puffy, and still full of tears. "K-Kai?" he looked surprised to see his former love stood in front of him.

"What you doing sat here in the snow? You're gonna catch a cold." Kai offered a hand out to help him.

But the redhead knocked it back. "Like you care!" He sounded bitter and angry, but Kai expected it.

"But I do care Yuu-chan. You know I do." He told the boy the truth.

"No you don't because you left me there, and now you've moved on to one of your team-mates. I'm not stupid I see the look you give him. It's the same look I once got of you. You moved on and forgot about me." Tears cascaded down his ivory cheeks.

Kai knelt down to Yuuri and placed a hand on his cheek.

"No you're wrong Yuu-chan. I could never forget you so don't you even think that. There wasn't a day I didn't think about you and how I thought I shouldn't have left you there…" He looked at the ground. "But if I'd stayed I would have left you permanently. And then you would never see me again."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying the pain Balvoc was putting me through was driving me to suicide. That's why I left. I'm sorry I left you but do you understand now?" Crimson met with ice again.

"Balvoc came down even harsher on me after you left, said I was getting the treatment you had received, so I do understand now." He nodded.

"Will you forgive me?" Kai asked.

"How can I not?" Yuuri smiled sniffling back his tears. Kai stood up and helped the redhead. "Kai there is something that I want you to read, if you wouldn't mind?" Yuuri rummaged around his trouser pocket and finally pulled a piece of creased and slightly torn paper.

Kai took the paper and his eyes widened as he read the scribbled down words.

'It's easier to run 

_Replacing this pain with something numb_

_It's so much easier to go  
Then face all this pain here all alone_

_Kai Hiwatari'_

"It's the letter I wrote you." Kai folded the fading paper. "You kept it…"

"Yep, because Kai all the words you wrote down weren't true. It's obvious it wasn't easy to go cause you're hear talking to me but I wanted you to know one thing Kai, you weren't all alone….you had me." He sniffled.

The Suzaku wielder closed his eyes and bowed his head down slightly. "I knew." He said quietly

"But you still left but I do now know why."

His crimson eyes fluttered open. "I hoped you would one day." He smiled. "But Yuu-chan I want you to know something?" Yuuri looked questionably at him. "I did love you…"

"I knew." Yuuri nodded his head. Kai started to walk away going back to his new life.

"Kai?" Yuuri called to him making halt in his steps.

"Yes Yuuri?"

"Just tell Rei and Takao to be ready. It won't be easy for them."

"We'll stop Balvoc." Kai told him. He then carried on walking away.

"God cause I'm counting on you." Yuuri said to himself.

Okies that was not the original ending I had but I think it sounded better. So that was a completely different way of writing. It's much darker than my other fics. But at least its finished! I'm okay with it. I wish I had a better ending to it! I hope you enjoyed it even though its very distressing and angst. I don't think there'll be another chapter. Its pretty much finished here!

Also you're all probably wondering why I Kai Japanese when he's Russian well that was cause then Vladimir had another reason to pick on him.

And for those who don't know what 'Gomen nasai' means I'm very sorry.

And as some of you might know Vladimir Balvoc is Boris's original name! The nasty purple haired man!

Yourou means Bastard I think in Japanese but I cant remember as it was along time I wrote that bit. But I know it's an insult of some kind. I think that all of them.

Now just a few thank you's. Thanks to Ladyfiction for beat-ing this. I know it really needs it! And my Imotou Em-chan aka Penalty-chan for helping when I got stuck with it! You girls are the best! Love u both lots and lots!

So now that's all left is for you to review it! And if you want you can go check out some of my other fics! Thanks….


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